it is not about being too choosy or being too ignorant..
it is about a choice. a chosen choice made by me.
i cannot deny that the feeling of being loved by a man is definitely special yet i choose not to experience it anymore for the time being, until i am ready and Rabb says it's time for me..
once i thought that i has found the right (not perfect) person for me --> as the famous saying goes; love is not about finding mr. perfect but mr. right.. and i thought i am being blessed as the beginning of the (somehow official) relationship occurs on 1st ramadhan itself. but who knows, it is really not as how i viewed it. it was not a blessed love because the pure love between two opposite sexes only can be achieved by marriage as how He has guided us. oh..how mischievous syaitan is..he secretly..slowly..dragging you to the wrong path with every sorts of strategies..techniques..in order to deceive you so that you will think you are still on the right track when the fact is vice versa.
okay, coming back to the present moment.as i mentioned above, i've made my choice and i shall stand strong with the decision. because i don't think i am ready yet.mentally, spiritually..oh, plus economically perhaps :P
once i read iluvislam's wall post on fb:
"penuhi keinginan kamu atau penuhi keinginan ALLAH dan rasulNYA? jika kamu ingin penuhi keinginan kamu, nescaya tidak akan pernah berjaya namun jika keinginan tuhanmu yang kau dahului, semoga akhirat menjadi kejayaan bagimu" <-- my version
ya..the wants will always be here in the heart..wanting to be loved and to love a guy but i choose not to fulfill the wants yet.. and actually there might be some other reasons too..
hm..one of the aims in my life is to become a good wife and a good mother to cute children; as to seek for the His bless and His Jannah. but i must prepare myself for the contrasting result too.. who knows when i'll leave the world.and who knows if i really can bear a baby..as it is He who decides.. so, i should be prepared to accept if ever i'm destined for such situations..isn't the afterworld is our main target? (",)
p/s: (not really related to this entry) talking about the uncertainty--> who knows if i am to die as a muslim or not (nau'zubillah!) because as i heard in the sermon last nite, even rasulullah's sahabats; the ones who witness him with their own eyes..who saw all the mukjizats, ended up in anNaar..because they declared themselves as non-muslim after the death of Muhammad s.a.w.. how about us who never saw him? (T_T)
ya Rahman..allow me to live and die as a muslim, with the true faith in YOU, forever and after..i am nobody to guarantee the future, hence i hold onto YOU..guide me and don't let me go astray