missing something

they are cute..naughty..at times made me angry yet made me smile by the next seconds..

boys and girls.. i miss u guys..

-study well..achieve your dream of life..

dedicated to 1A2 and 1A5 students of SMK Ibrahim, Sg. Petani

7 checkpoints di titian sirat

malam tadi ikut kawan pergi tarawih kat masjid luar, first time nak cuba masjid ni.selalu kalau lalu, tengok je.cantik..macam rumah..macam muzium..tak nampak macam masjid sangat.macam best je kalau jemaah kat sini.alhamdulillah, malam tadi ada kelapangan untuk ziarah salah satu rumah Allah di bumi ni. (hm, mesti cuba rajin2kan diri untuk ziarah tau.tak seronok ke jadi tetamu Allah? =) ) sampai2 je, subhanAllah..speaker mengalunkan azan.bergema hingga ke tangkai hati.latar belakang pulak ada bulan penuh yang bercahaya, macam berlian tergantung kat langit.cuaca redup.timbul suatu perasaan yang nyaman.terfikir dalam hati, (entah, tiba2 je muncul) macam mana suasana di Mekah? yang dah pernah ziarah Mekah mesti dapat bayangkan.(doakanlah untuk giliran saya pulak ye).

sebab dah azan, cepat2 melangkah ke ruang solat.rupanya bukan kat luar je cantik, kat dalam pun cantik.karpet, hiasan kayu, susunan Quran.best2.tarawih 8 rakaat, witir 3 rakaat. lepas tu ada tazkirah. haa, ni baru nk sentuh pasal tajuk entri ni. nama ustaz tu saya taktau.nak check kat jadual masjid, tak jumpa pulak.tapi tazkirah dia seronok.tak mengantuk sebab cara penyampaian dia yang simple, ada jokes n contoh2 yg diberi sangat relevan dengan kita.

okay, pasal titian sirat tu..ustaz bagitau ada 7 checkpoints yang perlu dilalui semasa melintas titian sirat tu.. setiap checkpoint itu akan bertanyakan sesuatu dari kita. dan 7 perkara yang akan ditanya pada setiap checkpoint itu ialah: (semua ni yang dapat saya ingat dari apa yang ustaz tu sampaikan la ye. banyak lagi yang dia cerita tapi tak dapat ingat semua)

1. tentang iman kita - "gemuk ke, kurus ke iman kita"...dan iman manusia sangat tidak konsisten; ada turun naik, banyak kepada turun, naik sikit je.jadi kena la subur2kan iman.antara caranya ialah dengan menghadiri majlis2 ilmu, datang ke masjid..
2. tentang solat - cukup tak? kalau cukup, sempurnakah? ingatlah, jangan pernah berhenti belajar tentang solat.mungkin kita dah solat berpuluh2 tahun tapi pasti ke solat itu betul? contoh yg ustaz tu bagi ialah pasal sujud. ada yang tak kena dahi la, lutut tak letak betul, jari2 kaki tak dilipat ke arah kiblat..7 anggota sujud wajib kena pada tempat sujud.kalau yang tak tau tu, lepas ni ubahla ye =)
3. soal zakat - yang ni, ustaz kata kalau tak tau, boleh tanya pegawai2 zakat, insyaAllah mereka boleh terangkan.
4. tentang puasa kita - macam mana puasa kita? sekadar berlapar atau mengharapkan keredhaan Allah? oh, satu yang ustaz bagitau tentang bulan puasa, kita rasa sekejap je masa berlalu. tengok2 hari ni dah hari ke 17 puasa.sangat cepat kan? dah nak masuk 10 malam ke-2 dan ke-3. part ni ada joke ustaz buat.kalau kat mekah, malam2 terakhir jalan akan sesak teruk, sebab semua orang keluar dengan family nk pergi masjid.semua nak cari al-Qadar (malam lailatulQadar). kat Malaysia pun akan jem jugak.tapi bukan cari alQdar, cari alKamdar (hehehe).tak salah nk pergi..boleh je. shopping lah kat mana pun.tapi jangan sampai tergadai berkat dan tawaran Ramadhan ye =)
5. soal umrah dan haji - kepada mereka yang dah ada rezeki untuk pergi umrah dan haji, alhamdulillah..tapi ada reminder jugak.betul tak niat tu? hmm...
6. mandi janabah- (ya Allah, masa dengar ni, sangat risau..moga Dia ampunkan jika ada yang kurang atau yang tak sempurna) ustaz bagi reminder, especially untuk ibu2..perhatikan anak2 dara masing2..make sure mereka tahu tentang mandi wajib setelah habis haid. tapi mandi janabah ni bukan fokus kat perempuan je.yang lelaki pun kena jaga juga.
7. hubungan dengan manusia (ada 3 pecahan)

• hubungan kita dgn ibu bapa --> satu yg ustaz pesan kena ambil berat: bila ibu bapa menyuarakan keinginan ke atas sesuatu terhadap kita wajib kita penuhi.contoh, mak ngidam nk makan something, dia bagitau kita..walaupun mak kita boleh beli sendiri, duit banyak ke ape ke..kita wajib/mesti usahakan jugak untuk bagi dia..kalau ayah kata teringin nk pakai jubah macam ni, macam tu..usahakan supaya keinginan ayah tu tercapai. meskipun kita fikir dalam hati "alah ayah ni, macam la tak boleh pergi beli sendiri..."

• hubungan silaturrahim sesama manusia --> dengan adik beradik pun berisiko tau.so kena hati2 dalam bab ni (dan semua2 perkara yg lain jugak)

• adakah kita pernah menzalimi orang lain --> kalau kita zalim, buatlah amalan banyak mana pun, semua akan dicabut dan diberi kepada orang yang pernah kita zalimi.jadi amalan kita tinggal kosong.so, kalau diberi amanah sebagai ketua terutamanya..berhati2 la.jangan sampai kita jadi pemimpin yang zalim

beware ye.kalau sangkut kat mana2 checkpoint kat atas ni, neraka la jawabnye.sebab titian sirat tu di atas mulut neraka. sanggupkah nak rasa otak mendidih, tekak perit dan terseksa dengan logam cair yang menggelegak? na'uzubillah~

** bulan Ramadhan ni malaikat seolah2 sangat dekat dengan bibir, segala yang terucap pasti diaminkan.jadi jom banyak2 berdoa. semoga amalan Ramadhan diterima dan dosa2 diampunkan.amin2 ya rabbal alamin.

ramadhan oh ramadhan

to all muslims, i would like to wish happy fasting. erm, a few reminders to share, for myself as well

*let's be more cautious of our sight, our speech, our doings, and our hearing, may all be kept away from things which may degrade d value of our fasting,

*be patient wif whatever may come during this fasting month, as it may be a mehnah from Him (Rabb's own way of teaching us) and may we become one of d as-sobirin..amin,

*top up extra extra EXTRa LARGE on our ibadah.every single thing counts.recite d Quranul Kareem more, praise HIM always..subhanaLlah, alHamduliLlah, Allahuakbar..Lailaha ilLaLlah..and not to forget our dearest blessed prophet Muhammad s.a.w

hmm..gotta rush for my laundry..anyone, mind to add more? that's most welcome =)

may dis Ramadhan brings us closer to HIm, eternally.amin

again, salam ramadhan al-mubarak to you

stop grumbling, instead, say "thank you Allah"

if ever i am rich, if only i am born rich..

-i can have my own printer and need not to depend on others

-i can have my own transport and go back to my hometown by myself to visit my family when they're having troubles..and i need not to hitchhike to go to SMK Ibrahim

-i can have more collection of muslimah dresses, long skirts and even jubah

-i can buy books that i want, especially those expensive ones

-i can fly to mecca and medina, to experience the great feeling myself

-i won't add burden to dad for my daily expenses

-i need not to borrow money from others; which is actually really shameful

and so the list goes...

last week itself, i cried quietly on my pillow, as i have all the thoughts above.oh, how shameful of me to be such ungrateful creature. an ungrateful human being who has been given free oxygen to breath, free land to live on without paying any rental fee, complete and healthy body with the ability to taste food and drinks, to understand happiness and love and numerous other ni'mat..

how shame of you, farina!

*******************************************************************

today...

alhamdulillah, i am allocated at SMK Ibrahim for my practicum, which is free from any criminal, juvenile or problematic students

alhamdulillah, until today, everything went smooth and fine

alhamdulillah, i got form 1 for my teaching practice during this practicum, as how i've wished

alhamdulillah, all the teachers at this school is nice and welcomes me to the school

alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah..i've started to feel the joy of being an educator, 4 example, when today a student shows her upset face as i told her that i won't be teaching their class..or when students greet me with wide smiles and cheerful faces, also the great feeling after helping a girl to feel better by giving her some advice regarding her personal problem. all these great and stimulating experience despite the low and down feeling i had during the first week..

alhamdulillah, He listens to my prayer and help me to build confidence in facing the students and help me to recover from my low-spirit in teaching

yes, it is too early still..i have not started to plan the lesson.i have not being observed by the teacher and the lecturer.i have not faced students' misbehavior in the classroom. a lot more to come in fact..

but at the current moment, i am gladly thankful to Allah..for everything that He has arranged for me

***************************************************************************

farina..

can you see how fair HE is? being rich isn't all that you need. peaceful mind and heart is far more valuable. besides, you are not like others who don't even have food to eat and proper home to stay. . if you feel like you are lacking of or missing something in your life, be patient and try to think again, with a calm mind, and list down all the gifts that HE has actually given to you, or, perhaps not now, but for the later life if you keep being patient and be grateful to HIM. oh, but not only that.fulfill your obligation to HIm, and keep walking to the eternal happiness in the eternal world.

p/s: if you are born rich, how sure are you that all the money won't be wasted and spent on unnecessary things. how sure are you that you will spend the money for HIM? how sure are you that you won't forget HIm and keep your faith in HIm? just look at how Firaun turns out to claim that he is god just because Allah made him healthy for his whole life.and how Qarun's belongings and wealth gone as he became ungrateful man after receiving his wealth.

so stop grumbling and appreciate what you have. do you understand dear? =)

first day of practicum

well, i'm quite sleepy n should be sleeping rite now.hence i'll write in short forms~

in chronology, the first day in SMK Ibrahim.

• report to the office wif raynur. oh, i was at the school by 6.45! really early huh? =) first day's spirit
• was waiting for d pengetua.he wasn't around so GPK 1 took over.a little briefing.then he showed the staff room. did not get any timetable o relief n mentor teacher.might have to wait for one week as they need to settle wif other things first.
• greet all teachers.got my own table.raynur's a bit far.settled down
• next table is a new teacher too.transferred for husband.kak wan.
• boring.nothing much to do as the school is busy wif few events coming up.esp on Wednesday where d sultan will b coming for hari anugerah.
• surfed via hotlink mobile internet-one hour pass.messaging others.
• see some teachers' xtvties in staff room.
• went to counselling room as to establish professional r/ship wif d administration (also to avoid sleeping in d staff room.hehe)
• learnt few things from the counselor.
• first day ended.phew~

ya Rahman, thanks for allowing things to sail smooth.alhamdulillah, this is better than my ROS experience which is totally d other way round.d teachers are nice and they welcome us.feel better.next to discover is the studentss..

p/s:

-gonna have mr seva's listening n speaking xtvties for relief (if there's any)

-students' english is said to be good.they're prepared from home.

some might even just sleep in d class. hmm..i must think of challenging activities then~

ya Rabb, may i be able to control d class n conduct d students well.amin~

pre-sentation...pre-practicum..

another few days before going for the practicum..am i ready to be part of the school? how will i be doing in SMK Ibrahim? will i be able to get along with that number one school? (as printed on the students' shirt) oh..i hope i will

dis morning was my turn for the presentation.hm..my personal rating was 6/10..

reasons being:-

> voice projection is a total degrading factor.apart from insufficient amount of volume, the tone is rather monotonous.sigh.

> body language, style of presentation and enthusiasm is not shining anywhere from d beginning until d end of d slides.sigh.

>mispronunciation accompanied my speech most of the time.SIGH

ok, now, considering about the practicum which is due dis Sunday, 25th July...

-teacher should have loud voice for better classroom control (p/s: will my voice survive during the fasting month? hopefully..amin)

-interesting presentation..interactive conversation will grasp students' attention better

-teacher's speech is a crucial element..especially d pronunciation! oh, n not to forget grammar..

current mode: anxious..

being singular

recently a single-ladies club has been established and i was elected as the president with another three beautiful valid members.oh, surely this club is unregistered as it is only something of fun among us.. =) but one thing to be mentioned here.. i am single and i am totally okay with it.perhaps, at times, a slight of worries visits my conscious mind, yet, i am still fine. =)

it is not about being too choosy or being too ignorant..

it is about a choice. a chosen choice made by me.

i cannot deny that the feeling of being loved by a man is definitely special yet i choose not to experience it anymore for the time being, until i am ready and Rabb says it's time for me..

once i thought that i has found the right (not perfect) person for me --> as the famous saying goes; love is not about finding mr. perfect but mr. right.. and i thought i am being blessed as the beginning of the (somehow official) relationship occurs on 1st ramadhan itself. but who knows, it is really not as how i viewed it. it was not a blessed love because the pure love between two opposite sexes only can be achieved by marriage as how He has guided us. oh..how mischievous syaitan is..he secretly..slowly..dragging you to the wrong path with every sorts of strategies..techniques..in order to deceive you so that you will think you are still on the right track when the fact is vice versa.

okay, coming back to the present moment.as i mentioned above, i've made my choice and i shall stand strong with the decision. because i don't think i am ready yet.mentally, spiritually..oh, plus economically perhaps :P

once i read iluvislam's wall post on fb:

"penuhi keinginan kamu atau penuhi keinginan ALLAH dan rasulNYA? jika kamu ingin penuhi keinginan kamu, nescaya tidak akan pernah berjaya namun jika keinginan tuhanmu yang kau dahului, semoga akhirat menjadi kejayaan bagimu" <-- my version

ya..the wants will always be here in the heart..wanting to be loved and to love a guy but i choose not to fulfill the wants yet.. and actually there might be some other reasons too..

hm..one of the aims in my life is to become a good wife and a good mother to cute children; as to seek for the His bless and His Jannah. but i must prepare myself for the contrasting result too.. who knows when i'll leave the world.and who knows if i really can bear a baby..as it is He who decides.. so, i should be prepared to accept if ever i'm destined for such situations..isn't the afterworld is our main target? (",)

p/s: (not really related to this entry) talking about the uncertainty--> who knows if i am to die as a muslim or not (nau'zubillah!) because as i heard in the sermon last nite, even rasulullah's sahabats; the ones who witness him with their own eyes..who saw all the mukjizats, ended up in anNaar..because they declared themselves as non-muslim after the death of Muhammad s.a.w.. how about us who never saw him? (T_T)

ya Rahman..allow me to live and die as a muslim, with the true faith in YOU, forever and after..i am nobody to guarantee the future, hence i hold onto YOU..guide me and don't let me go astray

unexpected incident

dad had an accident last night.together with kak De, which is on the back of d bike. dad's motorbike was hit by a fast evil careless heartless motorbike which just ran off after knocking down dad's bike.both dad n kak De fell on the road.luckily there wasn't any car at that time which might ran onto them (praise to Allah)..

the accident occurred just at the corner nearby our house.they just got out of the house and heading to durian burung.dad was sent to the hospital by an ambulance.i got d news from Amir (kak De's friend) when i was at Dewan Munsyi for an Israk Mikraj programme.upon hearing the bad news i was terribly crying by the Munsyi door and severely attacked by mischievous mosquitoes.all terrifying thoughts came into mind and tears are flowing fast. luckily then i got to talk with kak De and know that Dad is still conscious , though he had a temporary shock at the time and was wondering what happened and where they were going (when he was taken to the hospital).

kak De had some bruises on her arm. Dad's right shoulder is broken as well as his right toe-nails. both are cemented. and now dad's using wheelchair.

mum doesn't allow me to go back.even when i got the chance to talk to dad (his voice is rather weak) mum made dad to tell me to stay here. ya..i better follow what they said.besides, surely i'll need money for the ticket (oh allowance!..) and who's gonna pick me up from the bus station by 5am as Dad is now on wheelchair? if my returning is just gonna add troubles, better for me to stay and do my best by praying to Allah so that dad will get better soon.. amin.amin.to whom else will i pray if not to the true and only God..Allah..

i truly believe all these is not for nothing.He's watching and knowing all and i believe that Allah is arRahmaan..arRaheem.. hence i leave all my worries and prayers upon HIm.please join me in my prayer.that'll be greatly appreciated.

copied from friend

huhu...
aku rindukan mereka..
risau jua...
Ya Allah Yg memegang hati2 kami....
pandulah langkah mereka atas jalan kebaikan..
berikanlah mereka kefahaman sebagaimana engkau berikan daku kefahaman..
buat saudaraku,
kekadang langkah kita yg payah menuntut mujahadah yg besar...
jgnlah kerana kurang merasa manisnya nikmat iman..
engkau menjauh dan meminggir dr jalan tarbiyah..
sesungguhnya andai nikmat kemanisan iman yg dikau kejar..
adakah bila futur itu datang engkau lebih menjauh dr Tuhan?
Redha dan ikhlas bukan hy dtg bila hati berbunga2 dlm ibadah...
krn segala pahit jerih usaha ibadah hy Allah yg menilai..
mulianya manusia bkn krn ringannya jasad dan hati menghirup tarbiyah dan mengharungi dakwah...
tp besarnya mujahadah bg kita yg sedang payah..
futur itu satu nikmat..
bila kite tetap cuba istiqamah..
walau kemanisannya telah padam..
berbaik sangkalah kepada Allah Yg menciptakan..
peringatan bahawa segala yg kita lakukan hy kerana Allah semata..
bkn kerana mengharap nikmat kemanisan iman semata..
yg menjadi bonus bg org2 yg beriman...
wallahuallam
segalanya hy kepada Allah
segalanya hy kerana Allah..
>bersabarlah duhai teman<

-->> original article

ups and down

salam..

feel bad towards the two kids..sorry abdah n izah..we had to cancel our plan for morning cycling bcoz of my back-ache..we'll go for another time, i promise..insya Allah..

hm..these few days i've been intimate enough to my bed.almost half of the day i'm lying on the bed.but i'm praying that all these are not for nothing (hoping..wink2..please ya Rabb..may this be a kaffarah to clean up my sins..amin3..)

recovered from slight fever (err..quite bad at times..hohoo) yet got back-ache dis morning.i'm worried if it's a sign of more serious illness..na'uzubillah~

oh, (excited mode) as i've been talking about cycling earlier, yup, we've gotten our bicycle from tini's house yesterday.quite a hard time to get those 2 bicycle into CCQ xxxx but we've made it..plus repaired it-send to a bicycle shop of course :p- and d repair guy help us to put d cycles back, in such an easy steps.lol.. dat's why things will become easy once u noe how things should be done. =)

dis morning, as d cycling plan is cancelled, i end up eating roti canai at d front.after 2 years.hoho.still, d same roti-canai maker..n d same taste. (",) oh, not to forget d nenek at d nearby stall, selling kueh n nasi lemak.hehe.. we've been stuffing much n many foods ever since we've stepped into sg. petani.yet, much consideration needed to be taken, esp concerning on money spent.huhu..pray dat d allowance will be in soon..soon enough..

p/s: kueh talam by d junction at Taman Ria Jaya also nice! again, d exact same kueh n kueh seller since last 2 years. =)

mouth vs. hands

speaking is different from writing. on a piece of paper, you can first draft the points, write down the sentences and make adjustments and correction whenever and where ever you wish.and finally d final form which you are satisfied with is the only product that people will see from you.

but speaking is a different issue.surely you can plan what you wanna speak in d mind first, but will it be relevant within the period of conversation or communication between two parties? are you gonna say "erm..let me think what i'm gonna reply first.." lol..

this is one of my worries..(regarding the practicum; which is just around d corner) = communication in the classroom, with the students.what if i get stuck and could not clearly express what i am thinking or express it in the wrong way? how about if i could not find the appropriate word to describe my message? uh..
and honestly, i am not much a good speaker.i think i can write better than speak.oh, and it is especially when i am much concern about how my performance (at the particular time)is.dang~

i gotta have to be involved in more conversation in english.i need to brush up my speaking skills, moreover, i need to really add on to my vocabularies index.aihh..hopefully this two weeks left would be enough for me.

p/s: people said if you are too anxious, things will go worse.hence i'll stop worrying too much instead, i'll work on my improvement and see how thing goes.oh, and may i find the beauty of tawakkal..insya Allah

urusan hati

ya Rahman..
ku mohon cekalkan hati ini dan utuhkan keinginan ini untuk kembali kepadaMu
ku rayu tekalkan hati ini agar tidak mudah kembali hanyut
ku pinta jangan biarkan hati ini tewas kepada seribu macam kehendak dan keinginan nafsu yang tidak Kau halalkan

ku mohon ya Rabb..ku mohon..

pelihara hati ini agar tidak tewas kepada naluri mencintai insan sebelum cintaMu dan rasulMu ku raih..

kanak-kanak itu

usai menyepit telinga winnie dan jari2 ginn beserta beberapa baju lain dan 2 bantal di ampaian itu, ku hampiri 2 kanak2 comel bertudung di meja batu itu.

> dik, boleh mintak tolong tak?
- boleh, tolong ape? (dengan mesra)
> ada pegi mana2 tak hari ni?
- takde..
> erm..akak nk keluar nanti.kalau hujan boleh tolong angkatkan teddybear dgn bantal tu tak? 2 tu je..
- boleh2..kalau nk angkatkan baju pon boleh, letak bakul =)
> eh, takpe2..yg tu je.baju2 tu tak payahlah =)
- ok
> tima kasih ea.. =)
- sama2

(kebetulan ampaian itu memang berhadapan dgn rumah mereka..ku kira org yg paling pantas untuk menyelamatkan ginn, winnie dan bantal2 itu..kalau basah, susah nk keringkan..)

aku senang melihat kanak2 cilik itu bertudung dan ramah.kadang2 ada juga aku lihat mereka bertelekung, bersiap untuk solat di surau.sentiasa ramah dengan senyuman.manis.

bertuahnya mereka, pasti dididik dengan asuhan yang baik dan berhikmah.rumah mereka sering terbau masakan yg harum.aku antara penyokong terbesar utk hidangan rumah bagi keluarga mawaddah.terjamin khasiat dan kebersihan, dan paling penting sekali boleh disulami dgn basmallah dan zikirullah serta selawat saat menyiapkannya (seperti yg diajar oleh sepupuku, juga dlm buku yg pernah kubaca)

asuhan agama dari kecil sememangnya sangat penting.namun ada juga kata2 sinis pernah ku dengar- "ala, kecik2 lagi baik la, bila da besar..lain jadiknye.."
hm..kita tak pernah boleh untuk menduga rencana Allah kan.tapi usaha yg berterusan dan baik perlu dimulakan dari awal..tak gitu?

ape2 pun, aku harap kanak2 comel ini membesar menjadi srikandi wanita yg berbakti untuk agama.amin.. =)

7th semester

salam..

i have been away from this blog for quite some times; since semester break can be considered as a hibernation period for my blogging activity. despite many stories and updates to be shared, i'll update on my current status.

i have returned to ipsah or the official name IPG kSAH, sungai petani kedah and this brings a mixture of feeling.well, the first day itself, i'm overwhelmed with the attack of memories-ever-occurred in this particular college. well, let's not talk about the past, especially those mistakes done..

upon arriving the great gate of ipsah (hihi) me and ima were both glad and excited.7hours of travelling from terengganu to kedah didn't make us feel tired(as yet) because we were much grateful that the journey went smooth and we made it! congrats ima! =)

ok, skip to the academic stuff.hihi.well, the main highlight of this semester is surely about praktikum.oooohhh..we've got to know our schools where we'll do our praktikum with our partners.as for me and raynur, we are assigned to S.M.K Ibrahim and the praktikum will start on 25th July. oh, some info that you should know about this school:

"Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Ibrahim or Ibrahim Secondary School (Ibrahim School) is a premier public secondary School in the town of Sungai Petani, in the northern Malaysian state of Kedah. The school is well-known for its excellent academic and co-curricular achievements, and has produced highest scorers in the public examinations in Malaysia."

dup..dap..dup..dap..err, i guess i am much nervous upon being assigned to such elite school.oooh.. will i perform well in front of the students? will i be able to respond to students' questions and remarks? the heart beats faster each time i think of these.. =S

please pray for me so that i'll be doing fine and sail through the praktikum period with fine weather and smooth sailing..hoho.

ya Rabb, i believe that You have planned something of my benefit by assigning me to that school.may everything that occurs during the praktikum be useful and meaningful both for my life and my Deen..amin..

**few things to be done**

~> a teacher name tag is a must. erm, should it be 'nor farina' or 'farina asiah'? which do you think sounds better?

~>diving into the bunch of notes on classroom management..pedagogical and philosophical aspect of teaching as well as on the language content-grammar.writing.reading.etc.etc as to get myself prepared for the battle (haha)..

p/s- i'm looking forward to experiencing the teaching process in a real classroom yet the butterflies are surely dancing in my stomach as the days approach nearer.nervous is the word.oh~

silent is gold

Selama mana engkau mendiamkan diri semasa dicerca dengan begitu provokatif, Malaikat turun mempertahankanmu. Apabila kamu mula sahaja membuka mulut untuk menjawab, Malaikat berangkat dan Syaitan merapat. Jika dirimu resah semasa diam, dan lega sesudah melepaskan kata, engkau nampaknya selesa bertemankan Syaitan- http://www.facebook.com/hasrizal

astarghfirullah!

tak sangka..selalunya kalau org ngate, laju je mulut ni nk reply (as in to explain dat i'm not as how they judge me or say about me)

duh.. i dun wanna add syaitan in my friends' list.

ya Rabb, forgive me..

a blast of euphoria

i always have lotss of things to write in dis blog.in fact, i've quite a number of pending entries.yet, i end up ignoring n abandoning them.lol.

i'm back.currently in bahtera house,tm.for d examination which will begin on 24th April.another few days to go.

one thing makes me worried, i've just started 'my study week' yesterday. in d train-reading scorpion orchid.dang! i noe..repeating the same nasty habit. hopefully i'll be able to catch up n able to answer the questions during d exam days.amin..

oh, d euphoria i'm hinting at d title.well, i m not quite sure y but my trip back home 4 dis time is quite a big pleasure 4 me.it really makes me happy n pleased. much contented.

alhamdulillah =) --> as i've once said, if u feel happy, remember, who creates d things or scenes that make u feel happy or at least, who allows you to have d heart n have d ability to sense n experience d happiness in urself; if it is not d almighty Rabb. so let's say alhamdulillah (",)

perhaps, bcoz of wat have n had happened to me n my inner self previously [all those self-conflicts, self-insecurity..being labelled as 'carik markah lebih'..etc..etc..] n those quite 'down moments' 4 me, i'm then able to sense a different atmosphere at home n able to appreciate d peace n soothing feeling of being home.even little things can make people happy, if d lil things are exactly what you need =)

ok, quick review of the week

friday-9th Apr

off to KL wif ima, sue, aida n ana wif grey-TAX.spent time at Times Square.lunch.bowling (one strike.yeah).send off sue n ana.off to Sungai Besi but having quite a critical moment where we almost ended up at putrajaya.luckily found d highway exit yet, having another difficult moments of tracking back to right route.alhamdulillah, still managed to be on time to hop into d bus at putra.oh, b4 dat, ate nasi lemak at Bangsar wif ima n bf-kae, n aida. then, sleeping like fainted woman in d bus n awake wif aching neck.duh.

saturday-10th Apr

dad picked me up, around 5am.mum waited at home.oyin too.another phase of fainting, ahahaha.as if to qada' sleeping hours which have been much reduced previously-4 miss maria.lol.awake wif heavy head.sigh..so improper lifestyle.huhu

sunday, monday, -11th & 12th Apr

nothing much happened.staying quietly at house.haha.sleeping wif oyin.oh! n she is really sick! pity her.she did not eat even a single piece of d friskies..er, smartheart o watsoever name of d food.even drinks need to be forced in to her mouth.aigoo.not sure y she is in such critical condition.mum gave some medical salt n luckily she recovers after few days.feel much relief to see her start bathing n grooming herself again, as to compare her lying half-dead like before.

haha.still, she never fail to wake me up at d necessary time. thanks oyin! gonna miss u soon.

tuesday -13th Apr

sisters-day-out! =D kakde day's off.so we went out to town.to purchase my ticket to s.alam.to buy jubah 4 mum n cloth 4 kakde's convo in May.to settle wif her bike's insurance n tax. to hunt 4 ima's n sharm's presents.and...

to play bowling

to eat secret recipe.

.full stomach.

.great time.

.big grins n laughs.

next, to pasar malam.still quite early so we walked to desa murni's syurga tudung.grabbed orange n red veil. hehe.at pasar malam,bought some food as well as wall-decoration sticker . luv them! =D i juz simply lyke fancy stuff.esp things related to decoration n colours n sticker. =D

before & after.gonna buy lots more, later.hehe..

oohh!! not to forget about me riding d motorbike! yea, not a new thing, but i've finally have d gut to ride it across d main road! through the traffic lights! haha..to those who knew me, they noe how big achievement dis is.rofl~

(err, shud be brief flashback, aite..hehe)

wenesday, thursday-14th, 15th Apr

hm, my tummy is craving 4 lots of food.n mum prepared them.yeaa..luv u mum! always. =)

-in fact, those early days i've been stuffing food into my tummy.hehe. oso packed kerepek pisang s well..to be munched while studying.eheks.. (oh! promised naim to give him some.dun worry, got a pack 4 him.oh, bahtera girls, i've 5 packets 4 us.choose, salty o sugary.. :-D )

friday-16th Apr

dad bought nuggets, 4 food in travel.hihi.luv u too dad! always too!

(ya Rabb, may You always keep them under Your blessing n protection, here n in the afterworld.amin).leaving 4 s.alam at nite.double decker transnasional bus.

saturday, sunday-17th, 18th Apr

staying at bangah's new house.pangsapuri sri nuang.bukit bandaraya.7th floor

on saturday, followed them to buy chandelier 4 their new house.

then to shop other stuffs.i'm looking 4wad 2 buy new watch as i've left mine at home.at least one to be used during exam.nah..cudn't grab one.shall buy it here later..at nite, helping them out with d new chandelier.sweet black wif crystals.the next day, initially i'm planning to go by train from s.alam itself but ended up at kl sentral.yeaa.kak nadia made bangah to go to kl.they're going to muzium negara later, i suppose.

from ktm, ruhi picked me up.n now, here i am in room 2 bahtera.typing on mila's desk.ehehe-tumpang yer..going to pasar pagi wif jialing n to campus later..daaa~

believe me

who else could be leading me to find the book.

who else could inspire me to write what i've written.

not to forget, at the peak hour, the moment when i'm most worried as the date due has actually passed.rushing off to library,with the pressure of the fact that all my housemates has already handed in theirs. hoping that i can produce a piece of writing..at least i can send it by that day, as too much procrastination edi..

who else do you think has given all the blessing?

ya ALLAH, indeed YOu are aRRaheeem.. =')

jealousy strikes~

o Rabb..

i feel much jealous..

to those who have done better in school

to those who shines till today in their academic *esp in medic*

n those who're furthering their studies overseas..

n d jealousy strikes deeper as i saw d pic of one of my close-competitive friend when i was at school last time.we were alwiz competing each other (academically ya) for final results n i left her a year behind as i went thru PTS.

but today i saw her pic, studying at Uk. d jealousy strikes.

is dis normal jealousy allowed? will i then be ungrateful?

to farina--->

please, remember that certain things are decided to be in such situation. He knows what's best 4 u n what's best 4 others too.do not feel bad.be grateful wif wat u have.do not regret 4 ur decision -giving up medic at kmPh for fear of blood plus in-confident wif chem n bio performance-

be grateful and prepare urself d best for ukhrawi.jia you!! n let their success be ur inspirations.. =)

self-dedication...

dear beloved self..i found these might help you...remember, He's teaching you, as how you have been praying for... take care..

***************************

1.Don't hold grudges. Develop your "new self image" without those grudges. If you find yourself remembering an old meanness someone did or said. Just go to other thoughts: think about a new thought.

2. Don't be set in your ways: "That was then--and this is now." Which means "I can go on to something new, and I don't need to even think about that anymore."

3. Don't hold on to junk in your mind! Dump the "junk" out of your conscious thoughts. Cleanse your mind--don't be double minded...

4. Don't say I can't forgive. Say "I will forgive that." or "I will not hold onto that old anger anymore." Try to forgive old wrongs quickly by saying "I do forgive that!"

5.Declare, "I will not only forgive, but I will forget that!" Believe that you can overcome negative thinking, and then go on as if you do forget it. If it comes to mind say, "Oh well, it doesn't matter anymore!" You'll start to believe it.

6.Don't entertain bad thoughts. If you find yourself getting agitated about something, begin to say: "It doesn't matter anymore. I will think about something else..."--and then read something, write a note or a letter. Watch a show on TV into which you can really get involved. Refuse to allow your speech or thinking to be negative and refuse to be taken over by anxiety or anger in your thoughts.

7.Reject that thought. You can actually say that to yourself: "I reject that fretful or angry thought!" You can even say "Stop it!" to yourself.

8. Command yourself silently to be quiet. When you find yourself talking too much, or thinking and even planning to say things that you will regret later, tell yourself mentally: "Just shut up." Then do something to occupy your mind--and so you will actually change you thoughts to something else.

9.Accept your circumstances and yourself, and so don't hate yourself, but then say, "I can and will improve!!!"

10. Avoid being down; stop thinking and talking negatively

11.Don't judge people on shallow or prejudicial bases. There is a danger of falsely accusing one who is innocent,

12.Don't allow yourself to make faces, to frown of grimace at people--or even go flat as if you are so very tired. So try to relax more often; smile more even when you don't feel much like it.

13.Realize that you may be able to assume your attitude and control your view point and the outlook which makes a real difference and that sarcastic frowning, cynical pronouncements and fatalistic declarations are "bad mental hygiene" and is a kind of "craziness," which is self-defeating and is a bad mental habit--so brighten your outlook and so lighten your load.

*********************************************

(retrieved and adapted from here)

for the hungry soul~

this is a forward from my friend.it somehow replies to my prayer.n it also open up my mind..indeed HE is the greatest Lover of All!.. =')

~forward dr sahabat:

Hari ni secara kebetulan saya membaca majalah "MUSLIMAH" di sebuah
klinik gigi. Isteri saya buat routine yearly checkup untuk gigi
beliau hari ini dan sambil menunggu saya membaca satu artikel yang
cukup menarik. Tajuknya "Kebesaran Solat Sunat 2 Rakaat". Hayatilah
artikel tersebut dibawah ini.

Allah SWT selesai menciptakan Jibrail AS dengan bentuk yang cantik,
dan Allah menciptakan pula baginya 600 sayap yang panjang , sayap
itu antara timur dan barat (ada pendapat lain menyatakan 124,000
sayap). Setelah itu Jibrail AS memandang dirinya sendiri dan
berkata: "Wahai Tuhanku, adakah engkau menciptakan makhluk yang
lebih baik daripada aku?." Lalu Allah berfirman yang
bermaksud.. "Tidak"

Kemudian Jibrail AS berdiri serta solat dua rakaat kerana syukur
kepada Allah SWT dan tiap-tiap rakaat itu lamanya 20,000 tahun.

Setelah selesai Jibrail AS solat, maka Allah SWT berfirman yang
bermaksud."Wahai Jibrail, kamu telah menyembah aku dengan ibadah
yang bersungguh-sungguh, dan tidak ada seorang pun yang menyembah
kepadaku seperti ibadat kamu, akan tetapi di akhir zaman nanti akan
datang seorang nabi yang mulia yang paling aku cintai,
namanya 'Muhammad.' Dia mempunyai umat yang lemah dan sentiasa
berdosa, sekiranya mereka itu mengerjakan solat dua rakaat yang
hanya sebentar sahaja, dan mereka dalam keadaan lupa serta serba
kurang, fikiran mereka melayang bermacam-macam dan dosa mereka pun
besar juga. Maka demi kemuliaannKu dan ketinggianKu, sesungguhnya
solat mereka itu aku lebih sukai dari solatmu itu. Kerana mereka
mengerjakan solat atas perintahKu, sedangkan kamu mengerjakan solat
bukan atas perintahKu."

Kemudian Jibrail AS berkata: "Ya Tuhanku, apakah yang Engkau
hadiahkan kepada mereka sebagai imbalan ibadat mereka?" Lalu Allah
berfirman yang bermaksud. "Ya Jibrail, akan Aku berikan syurga
Ma'waa sebagai tempat tinggal..." Kemudian Jibrail AS meminta izin
keada Allah untuk melihat syurgaMa'waa. Setelah Jibrail AS mendapat
izin dari Allah SWT maka pergilah Jibrail AS dengan mengembangkan
sayapnya dan terbang, setiap dia mengembangkan dua sayapnya dia
boleh menempuh jarak perjalanan 3000 tahun, terbanglah malaikat
Jibrail AS selama 300 tahun sehingga ia merasa letih dan lemah dan
akhirnya dia turun singgah berteduh di bawah bayangan sebuah pohon
dan dia sujud kepada Allah SWT lalu ia berkata dalam sujud: "Ya
Tuhanku apakah sudah aku menempuh jarak perjalanan setengahnya, atau
sepertiganya, atau seperempatnya?"

Kemudian Allah SWT berfirman yang bermaksud. "Wahai Jibrail, kalau
kamu dapat terbang selama 3000 tahun dan meskipun aku memberikan
kekuatan kepadamu seperti kekuatan yang engkau miliki, lalu kamu
terbang seperti yang telah kamu lakukan, nescaya kamu tidak akan
sampai kepada sepersepuluh dari beberapa perpuluhan yang telah
kuberikan kepada umat Muhammad terhadap imbalan solat dua rakaat
yang mereka kerjakan.....

Marilah sama2 kita fikirkan dan berusaha lakukan... Sesungguhnya
Allah SWT telah menyembunyikan enam perkara iaitu :

* Allah S.W.T telah menyembunyikan redha-Nya dalam taat.
* Allah S.W.T telah menyembunyikan murka-Nya di dalam maksiat.
* Allah S.W.T telah menyembunyikan nama-Nya yang Maha Agung di dalam Al-Quran.
* Allah S.W.T telah menyembunyikan Lailatul Qadar di dalam bulanRamadhan.
* Allah S.W.T telah menyembunyikan solat yang paling utama di dalamsolat (yang lima waktu).
* Allah S.W.T telah menyembunyikan (tarikh terjadinya) hari kiamat di dalam semua hari.

Semoga kita mendapat berkat daripada ilmu ini. Wallahualam kalau
rajin...Tolong sebarkan cerita ini kepada saudara Muslim Muslimat
yang lain agar menjadi renungan dan pelajaran kepada kita semua.
Ilmu yang bermanfaat ialah salah satu amal yang berkekalan bagi
orang yang mengajarnya meskipun dia sudah meninggal dunia...Amin Ya
Rabbal Alamin.

pleasee... ='(

ya Rahman..i need strength..please...

i badly need it..i'm begging u..

as a poor person begging for some money to buy food.

as an injured person asking for help..

indeed You are the Almighty..

i beg You..pleasee..please...

their bond will always be thicker than mine.i need strength to accept the fact and be grateful with what i have..please ya Rabb..dun let me succumb to this ungrateful and nonsense feeling..

i beg You..please...please...

You are the one with greatest love..let me feel the love i have rather than looking for the one i feel that i don't have..

ya Raheem...i need You..i really need You... isk..i am afraid i will keep repeating my mistakes..

halwa telinga

currently, i need to always listen to this particular song..

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you is see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can’t see which way to go
Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Everytime you can make one more mistake
You feel you can’t repent
And that its way too late
Your’re so confused, wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame

Don’t despair and never loose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah you’ll find your way

Turn to Allah
He’s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray
OOO Ya Allah
Guide my steps don’t let me go astray
You’re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way x2
Insha Allah x3
Insya Allah we’ll find the way

nice lyric aite? but above all, let's always return to ALLAH =)

and feel d greatness of HIm by urself..

horrible terrible

horrible.terrible.regretful.

dat's wat i can say for dis semester.

n i noe, d result is surely be terrible n horrible too..isk..

serves me right.

too much playing around.too much leisuring.too much sleeping.

pushing everything to d last last LAST minute ever..

crying is not d solution.but d tears shows d regret.

sigh..arRahman has shown HIs mercy way too much yet i did not show my gratitude.

i use it wrongly.continued to lazing around.

TORW..4P..MLEcriticalreview.MDA.EST.GRammaR.

every lil bit shows d remarks of my terrible horrible cincai work.

sigh.have i been forgotten abt my aims? what has happened to me?

dis is it.

enuf wif all regret.

i noe.things has happened.

yes,dis terrible mark wil remain i noe.

perhaps d gap will be way big from prev sem.

(but be not lower than dean pliss..*pray*)

n it shud be a big-enuf slap to wake me up from my long dreaming.

thanks arRAheem..

facebook, i'll be away for now.see u later.

ya Allah, guide me..n forgive me for my wrongdoings..

can you do me a favor?

ya ukhti...

if you see me drowning in the laughter,

without a glance of remembrance to the afterworld,

remind me that the rightful laughter should be in heaven..

when you see me becoming too busy,

with the hustle and bustle of the temporary world,

until i forgot to stop and show my gratitude to Him,

tell me, He love those who always remember and praise HIm..

ya ukhti..

if ever my words hurt

or my acts harm

kindly help me to realize

and forgive me for such carelessness

ya ukhti,

support me, advise me, remind me..

in the name of ukhuwwah fiLlah...

and let us pray, that by doing so

He will keep us both under His mercy and guardian

no word may define the feeling

alhamdulillah!!

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

alhamdulillahirabbil 'alamin!!

*

*

ya Allah, i am indeed grateful to embrace islam..to witness that there is no god but YOU

and Muhammad is YOUR messenger..

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

*

and please ya Rahman, ya Raheem..if i may beg..

please, let me live and breathe and sleep and awake and die in loving YOU..YOUR messenger..YOUR truthfully deen...

*

*

the love is burning in my chest!!

n no other love may compete with love to Rabb, not even the love of RomeoJuliet, QaisyLaila...

quick updates

alhamdulillah.

diri masih sihat, berupaya untuk bangun dan melaksanakan kewajipan, insha Allah.

mental? kadangkala sedikit terganggu dengan emosi yang pasang surut.tapi, ikhtiar perlu diteruskan demi mengukuhkan taqwa padaNya.doakan ya.

iman? ya Allah, hidupkanlah dan matikanlah aku dalam iman dan islam.ku mohon...

banyak idea yang terlintas untuk menyeri laman blog tapi masa agak membatasi.

insha Allah, di kesempatan lain.

wassalam..

p/s: titipanku-usahakanlah melabur sebanyak mungkin selagi kamu masih berkesempatan, kerna hidup kedua yang bakal ditempuh kelak adalah suatu yang pasti dan perjalanan jauh sebegitu perlukan bekal yang cukup..

emosi!

ya Allah..apa dah jadi dengan ummat Muhammad sekarang?

sedihnya...bagaimana agaknya reaksi baginda menyaksikan kehancuran moral dan peribadi agama ummah tercintanya hari ini..

baginda bermati-matian untuk menyebarkan Islam!..menyemaikan akhlak dan peribadi mulia.dengan pengharapan ummat dikasihi dibawah redha Ilahi..

tapi harini..

senang2 je remaja kita buat keputusan yang jelas seolah2 mendahulukan yang lain lebih dari agama.

mendahulukan cinta yang tak halal daripada melaksanakan perintah Allah

mengutamakan trend dari tunduk dan takut akan azabNya..

tak paham! apa rasionalnya x pakai panties masa valentine!!

tak kisahla kalau memang tak nak pakai atau selesa sebegitu..setiap hari ke, bila-bila ke..

tapi kalau KHUSUS untuk VALENTINE!!! KHUSUS untuk BOYFRIEND! saya ulang BOYFRIEND!!! bahkan bukan suami!!! untuk ape??!!!! saya sangat emosi sebab fikiran waras saya rasa sangat tidak dapat menerima budaya sebegini.tak kisahla benda/ hak peribadi pun..apa yang mereka nak tunjuk?nak buktikan cinta?? nak tunjuk betapa maha hebat dan maha dalamnya cinta untuk boyfriend tersayang???

ya Allah..peliharakanlah kami dari kehancuran..aku mohon... ='(

dan ampunkanlah kelemahan diri yang hanya mampu membenci dalam hati.tak terdaya kudrat mahupun fizikal untuk menghentikannya.. isk..

adik2..tolongla..sayangilah iman kamu...sekali dah hilang, ditutup hati..ditetapkan pintu ke neraka, tidakkah timbul penyesalan?

at least, fikirlah perasaan ibu bapa..wajar ke nak buat camtu untuk seorang yang belum sah statusnya kat kita? cintalah bagai nak mati pun tapi kalau bukan nama boyfriend tu yang tertulis sebagai suami, beerti bukanlah dia.korbanlah apa pun..harta..nyawa..badan..semua sia2..semua bahkan hanya mengundang kemurkaan Allah..

p/s: maybe orang kata, ala xpakai panties je..bukan nak buat apa pun..

tapi, tak ke perbuatan tu seolah2 menunjukkan -saya akan buat apa saja untuk kamu.dan motif tak pakai?

worried~

whatever i will be doing..

wherever i'll be going..

or whoever i'll be connected to..

i beg YOU..please hold me tight in d Nur..

hihi

urgghhh.......

very

very

very painful

i

can't

bear

it

any longer

it

can't

be

delayed!!

noo!! it can't be delayed not even a second!

out of my way..now...

**flush...phewww~

------------------------------------------------------------------

haha..do u find it gross? well, experimenting with gross subject.hikhik.

actually d main thing i wanna touch here is to be grateful.

can't see d connection?

ok la, few questions for u:

1. what if when u're doing ur pleasure business (:P) u forgot to check n u find out that u cudn't get enough water to clean urself.plus no other available alternative materials.

2. and what if, suddenly ur beloved stomach or anus (erk) got problem..or maybe not just that moment but it continued for days..weeks..months.. aaa~

soo..y don't u say thanks you Allah for the pleasure of being able to get rid those unnecessary things out of ur cute tummy..

let's say Alhamdulillah.. =)